Chapter 8

“What does the note say exactly?” Burke asked the inconsolable Danbr.

“It says…

Your sister is here with me

I will give her back when you say these words:

‘YOU CAN MOVE ME WHEREVER’

...who could have done this?!”

“Have you done anything to bother anyone lately?” Burke asked.

“No!” Danbr replied, “I’ve forgotten what other people’s toes look like I’ve stepped on so few! It must be some mistake, it doesn’t even have my name! I should call the police!”

“You’re absolutely sure you haven’t ruined anybody’s day lately?”

“Yes!”

“There’s nobody out there thinking to themselves, ‘wow, I wish Danbr hadn’t done that.’”

“Is there a conclusion you’d like to bring me to, Burke?”

“Have you committed any murder lately?”

Danbr seemed to calm down as the panic set in. “Not on purpose.” He twiddled his thumbs and leaned back on the wall. “I thought you said Armaan had lots of enemies! I felt at ease when you said that, like maybe I had made a bunch of new friends as a result of my little accident.”

“He had lots of friends, too, Danbr. I think I remember hearing he had a daughter who worked at the casino. Arla, I think.”

“I guess Arla would be a clapper?”

“She would be, yes.”

Danbr fell on his couch and held his face in his hands. “If this was Arla, then Natalie could be anywhere…”

Burke pondered. “I wonder how she found out where you lived… Maybe I’ll ask the neighborhood vorax if they saw or heard anything.”

Danbr held up the note. “Should I do what she said?”

“Not yet,” Burke replied, “stay here, keep quiet, and look around the room for anything suspicious.”

“Thanks for helping me, Burke.”

And with what could be considered a nod, Burke wisped out the window.

Burke met up with his old friend Tobias at one of his usual haunts. Tobias was a tall, thin vorax with a fluffy, yellow scarf. His umbrella was pink and adorned with cartoon characters. He had picked it up fairly recently after losing his old one.

Amongst vorax, losing your umbrella was a shameful and embarrassing thing to do, but not quite as shameful as being rescued by a human. This gave Tobias a leg-up in the conversation he was about to have with Burke.

“Well!” He said, twirling the colourful umbrella behind his back, “It’s Bumbling Burke, as I kindof live and don’t really breathe! I haven’t seen you around any of the feeding holes; are you bored with us common folk now that you’re a celebrity?”

Despite generally being calm and delegative, Burke’s recent reputation of ‘one who spoils food and plays with it’ was something that made him uncomfortable. He had been avoiding speaking to other vorax because of how defensive it tended to make him.

“A strong gust of wind blew my umbrella away. Out of nowhere there was a downpour. It could have happened to anyone. Half of it happened to you!”

“Calm down, Bumbles, I was only joking. Come, friend. Enjoy this hilarious little human with me.”

Tobias gestured at a girl sitting amongst some trees, staring transfixed at a small, glittering fairy who was brushing her hair. They snuck up from behind. Tobias pecked at her leg, leaving a tiny cut. The girl blinked and picked up her dolls, but then noticed the fairy again and resumed staring, transfixed.

Burke pecked her in the arm and the same thing happened. “Thank you. Sorry. I’ll admit I’ve been a bit sensitive.”

“I’m told you almost scared the blessing right out of him,” Tobias said. “Clever, Burke! You almost redeemed yourself! Why’d you fix it?”

“Truth be told, I’m quite enjoying having a human companion. I’m learning a lot. It’s strange living for hundreds of years and then learning so much at once. ‘Exhilarating’ isn’t the word, but it’s definitely…interesting.”

“I’ve heard a saying,” said Tobias, taking another bite from the girl’s mind, “It goes: don’t ask how the sausage gets made. I’m not sure what sausage is or how it gets made (something to do with pigs I think,) but the point is the more you know about your food, the less you’ll want to eat it. I’m glad you’re not a puddle, Burke, and I’d hate to see you starve.”

“Maybe you’re right,” said Burke, pecking the girl on the back of the neck, “the more time I spend with the man, the less hungry I get. Have you ever felt anything like that?”

“Can’t say I have,” replied Tobias, “I think about food all day. There’s no time to think about anything else. It’s quite famishing.”

A voice called from a nearby house. “Audrey! Dinnertime!”

“May I?” Tobias asked.

“Be my guest,” replied Burke.

The girl got up and ran to her mother, who was standing in the doorway. “Mommy! Mommy!” She shouted, “Guess what I saw!”

“What?”

“Umm… I don’t remember. This bug.”

“Audrey! You’re all scraped! What have I told you about playing in the tree?!” Audrey then sulked inside, head hung low.

“She really should be more careful; I think maybe only half of those cuts were us.” Tobias thought aloud. “Was there something you wanted to talk to me about, Burke?”

“Yes,” he remembered, “earlier today, a clapper might have been near my human friend’s building…”

“She sure was,” Tobias added, salivating in his own way, “It made my year. It’s always great when somebody supernatural draws a great deal of attention by walking down a busy street. I hope some pictures end up on the internet.” After a moment, he snapped back to attention. “What about her?”

“There’s a good chance she kidnapped my friend’s sister. I was wondering if anyone might have heard something as to where they might have clapped to.”

“They didn’t clap anywhere, actually. The girl didn’t give permission. And the clapper woman kept trying to convince her to give permission, and we kept eating that memory out of her, and she kept having to start over, every time getting louder and louder, drawing more and more attention to herself...” he took a break to sigh, “it was the highlight of my year, let me tell you. You should have been there.”

“Do you know where she is now?”

“The vorax followed her into an apartment building. I don’t know what happened to the clapper woman. She made her disdain for vorax pretty clear, though.” He seemed to remember something. “Oh, and I think she mentioned you. She mentioned ‘the killer human and his vorax’. I’d watch out for that.”

“Wait, this only just occurred to me, she walked to the apartment?”

“Yes, she followed a scent with some sort of dog nose.”

“Thank you very much, Tobias, you’ve been a huge help,” Burke said.

Danbr poked around his apartment. He convinced himself he was doing it because he wanted to, not because Burke had told him to.

It didn’t take long for him to find an ear attached to the bottom of his coffee table. Danbr found it extremely unnerving. Does this ear work? Is it listening to me right now? Have I said anything rude about the table in it’s presence lately?

He gave it a poke. It twitched, which made Danbr flinch. He inspected it closer, holding his breath so as not to breathe into it. What he did instead was slam his head next to it when Burke startled Danbr with his sudden presence.

“Good news!” Burke said, “Your sister is safe! I just checked on her.”

“Oh, good!” Danbr said, rubbing his head. “Can we put all of this behind us, then?”

“I don’t think so, Arla’s still out for your blood and she knows where you live. I think you should sort this out. Did you find anything else left behind in this room?”

“Yes.” Danbr said, standing up straight and rubbing his head. “I found an ear under my table. Is it-”

“-probably” Burke interrupted. “Let’s talk outside for a minute. And bring the note.”

A few moments later, Danbr and Burke stepped back into the apartment. Danbr stood in the centre of his living room, holding the note in front of him, although it was slightly marked up.

“Just like we practiced.” Burke said, handing Danbr the umbrella.

“Yes,” said Danbr, taking it. “Why aren’t you coming again?”

“I think she might try to kill me,” Burke whispered, “Go on then, you’ll be fine...probably.”

Danbr took a deep breath and aimed his voice at the coffee table. “IF WE CAN TALK FACE TO FACE AND I WON’T GET HURT, YOU CAN MOVE ME.”

Suddenly Danbr was very light. He was light and he couldn’t breathe. And he was disoriented. There didn’t seem to be any gravity… or was there? It was bright, wherever it was. The light was all shining from the same direction. He flailed toward the light. Something in the distance made long, muffled chirps. All around Danbr were lower halves of people, kicking away from him.

When he got to the surface, he took a deep breath. Arla stood in a stern, feet shoulder-width apart, arms-crossed stance, towering over from her spot on the pool deck. People fled in every direction. The lifeguard, trying to maintain order in his pool while also trying to come to terms with the giant woman and fully clothed man that had just materialised could only sit and tweet his whistle in horror.

“Go on, get them.” She said to her umbrella. It shivered. “Is it too wet in here? Fine. Get them when they leave.” She threw it in the air and clapped it away. She then focused on Danbr. “Alright you, let’s talk. I’ll go first. Why’d you kill my father?”

Danbr grabbed his hat and umbrella floating nearby and sloshed towards the edge of the pool. He sorted out the things Burke had said to say. “I didn’t. He was already dead when I got there. I’m very sorry.”

She took a moment to consider this. “You were the only person that went in or out of there in that period of time. I know because I’m the only one who sends anyone there.”

“Didn’t you see, though? There was a huge hole blown above. That’s how I got out. Somebody must have found out where he was hiding.”

“I suppose this is possible…” She pulled Danbr out of the pool. “I thought it was weird that you were anything but harmless. When I send humans there they always just wet themselves and then forget about it later.”

“I am definitely harmless.” Danbr assured her, “I’m a harmless man with excellent bladder control. I really am sorry about Armaan.”

“You’re not off the hook.” She said, “I still have some questions. Why wouldn’t that vorax eat your memories?”

Danbr explained.

“Oh, I see.” She took a look at Danbr’s sopping wet umbrella, but only a short look. “I thought maybe when you guys were talking about leaving the vorax behind you were trying to trick me, but it looks like he didn’t come after all.” Her disdain for vorax shone through. “Oh well. Next time. Sorry about putting you underwater.”

“Didn’t I specify you had to not harm me if you were going to move me?”

She shrugged. “You’re fine. Anyway, my next question, and you probably can’t even answer it, who did kill Armaan?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Danbr said, throwing his arms up. He was antisocial enough that even though he was a terrible liar, anything he ever said to anyone was delivered in the same twitchy voice. It actually made him a fairly effective liar.

“There was a bounty on his head, wasn’t there? I should try to see if anyone collected it.”

Danbr nodded. “Sounds like a... good,” He was confident Cacta could defend herself, but he also felt like he was selling her out. He then remembered to finish his thought, “...plan”

Arla nodded. “That bounty had been posted for so long I’d forgotten all about it. I’ll have to investigate. But I’ll need a disguise.”

On the far end of the pool, a young man doing laps had missed the kerfuffle and finally resurfaced. He looked around for the person timing him, and soon realized the entire pool was empty.

“Hey!” Arla shouted, “can I wear your body for a few hours?”

“Haha, yeah,” the guy said, taking out his earplugs. “What?”

And poof! Danbr was home. He fell on the couch.

“Everything go well?” Burke said to the soggy Danbr. (From a safe distance.)

“It went well, I think. She didn’t kill or torture me. She’s going to leave my sister alone. I should really call her.”

“She’s fine,” said Burke, “she has no memory of the strange things that happened to her today.”

“I still should. Oh! And I should talk to Cacta! She might be in danger! How do I use this bamboo card thing she gave me?”

“It’s quite simple,” Burke said, “just hold it over an open flame, talk to it, and she’ll hear everything. There’s a guy in Chinatown that makes these, maybe I’ll bring you there. Don’t worry, though, I already warned Cacta.”

“Really?” Danbr said, “that doesn’t seem very voraxish.”

“Voresque,” Burke corrected, “I haven't felt entirely voresque the past few days. I’m not too worried. Maybe I’m just sick.”

“Do vorax get sick?”

“I don’t have another explanation. I’m not hungry.”

Danbr stretched. “I’m tired. Why am I so tired? It’s only seven. It’s still sunny.”

“Jet lag?”

Danbr laughed. Then he thought about it. “What time did we leave Denmark?”

“I don’t know. I tell the time with the position of the sun.”

“My internal clock is all mixed up.” Danbr rubbed his temples. “Timezones give me a headache. I think I’m just going to turn in early and get some well-deserved sleep.”

“Fair enough. After all, you woke up without your hands today! I’ll bet you’re glad to have those back!”

Danbr took his first close look at them in proper light. “Close enough.” He rolled over on the couch. He was too exhausted to make it to his bed. “Goodnight, Burke.”

“Goodnight, Danbr. I’ll see you tomorrow,” and with that, he drifted away under the apartment door.

Just as Danbr had closed his eyes, a splotch of glowing paint smacked him on the face.

“June?”